i played the same song twenty times, imagining a life for myself so separate from reality.
i painted the sky a multicoloured haze,
rid each city of death and destruction.
removed the darkest parts of myself
so they could only be viewed microscopically.
if i close my eyes for long enough,
will anything change?
i keep finding myself thinking of the girl i was,
wanting to have a conversation with her.
it scares me sometimes how little i've changed.
when i look in the mirror, i see her staring back at me
and there's so much innocence that life eroded.
there's so much that was left unsaid,
that should've been served to me in a warm embrace.
a child playing barbies with the weight of adulthood on their shoulders -
i never knew what relaxation was.
lost myself in obsession and distraction,
then later in self sacrifice.
i was the same child, only older.
sometimes when i cry, i think my soul is bleeding out.
what's left at the end to give?
i can feel my younger self watching me
and she doesn't have to say anything.
i'd say sorry to her, but i think she understands.
i'd give her answers and solutions if i had them,
but i don't.
all i have is unanswered questions,
all i have is hope that went to die.
(By Eve Attwood)
Leave a Reply